The hospital and it's nostalgia
It's not hard to understand why a lot of people don't like it there, uneasy feelings right from the entrance as you spot the large red cross sign and tall white buildings till you walk in the front door and the strong antiseptic smell hit you.
I don't hate the hospital but it comes with too many feelings, feelings I'm scared of.
My life pretty much changed after my last lodge here, I walked out the doors a different person. Visit after visit, pieces of me was killed, a larger chunk each time and by the time I finally left I was a whole new being.
If only walls could speak, they would tell of my prayers and endless tears, night after night I poured out my soul onto my pillows uttering mumbled meaningless sounds- the father would understand, the nights bore witness to my pains, ever long; they never wanted to leave.
I still believe the doctors failed me, the nurses and the system too. They claimed to have done their best - it wasn't enough. Human being turned experimental tool
As I was wheeled out on my discharge day onto the garden footwalks, lined with tall full trees on both sides, it was the chirping birds, rustling leaves and cool breeze slaps on my face and hair that reminded me I was still alive. I didn't know.
I had a long thought that night about life, it's concept and the ease with which our breath can be extinguished.
I am not the same person, I'm not who my friends used to know, I am not who I used to know.
Back here months after, I'm back on my two feet now but the scars remain, I scroll walk past the cold corridors and smell pain and agony. A man sat alone transfixed, his eyes never leaving the ceilings, partners and families scattered all over with just enough space in between so their grieve don't mix, some pacing the hallways, others leaning face down on the walls.
I wish I could reach out to them with my soul - words are not enough, warmth from one wounded soul to another because even my soul isn't healed enough to comfort.
There was laughter and smiles too, I can only imagine what they are trying to conceal. I smiled too but it was only with my lips.
Life has to go on, it has moved on but I'm still here. They say time heals everything, it's potency is less on me. I've not given up yet though, i still hope that one day I'd have a wide smile on a face, a smile that would come from within me.
Thanks for reading.
Part II coming soon.